9.6.04
In which I tout EAFO, the best website in the world.
Everyone should check out EAFO, which may very well be the greatest website on this electronic dreamland, a haven of all that is obscure, outdated and hilarious, as well as all that is sticky, japanese erotica; if it hadn't been for EAFO, I may have never known the joy of screaming, , or of realizing the wonders of tea, 'Hard Liquor with none of it's characteristics', or even understanding how much that guy likes to eat sushi; I now proceed to fill up your worthless cranial cavity with more mind-bogglingly insane loveliness from Moff, of EAFO:
'...Then they’re the women. Ah, the women. While playing this game in a college lounge Sparky and I made three different females walk out in disgust over blatantly sexist female characters, who go into battle wearing everything from high-heels to sailor fukas, unzipped pants to sailor fukas, sailor-fukas to friggin sailor-fukas. Sailor Fukas! And there’s even a stage with a metal grating that systematically blows air up to give clear view of precious panties, causing nose-bleeds and transformations into 40-ft monsters to those poor, horny, sarimen. Any doubts you have about video games being a male-dominated industry will be dashed to tiny pieces when Sparky uses the panty-jump move, where Kasumi, the main character who just happens to be a SCHOOL-GIRL NINJA! Jumps onto your face, rides it for a few seconds, then smashes the dazed but oddly pleased enemy into the ground. Many of Sparky’s defeats are attributed by his desire to use this move over and over again, and many of my defeats are attributed to me letting him. While each character gets an impressive wardrobe, ranging from the old guy’s ass-smashing Chinese hat (proving once and for all that people with buckets on their heads kick your cousin’s ass!) to the Italian who uses Russian Martial Art’s Indian garb, dubbed “Maja Raja” by the sleepy men on the couch, 3-D sailor fukas with 3-D panties are the be-all and end-all of gaming. Even if every video game systems died tomorrow at the hands of a maniacal Super-Amish with the power to turn all electronics into butter, I still would have seen 3-D panties. There is something to be said of that. Oh, and that little tid-bit I dropped earlier about the age-setting was no lie, the jiggle-count in the game is directly proportional to what age you say you are. At age 10 the grievous amounts of silicone magically transform into cement, refusing to you grace your eyes with the smallest of wiggles. At age 99, a single step forward makes the polygonal breasts act as if they were being pawed by horny invisible midgets. Ah…to be male. A geriatric male...'
¶ 7:34:00 PM
'...Then they’re the women. Ah, the women. While playing this game in a college lounge Sparky and I made three different females walk out in disgust over blatantly sexist female characters, who go into battle wearing everything from high-heels to sailor fukas, unzipped pants to sailor fukas, sailor-fukas to friggin sailor-fukas. Sailor Fukas! And there’s even a stage with a metal grating that systematically blows air up to give clear view of precious panties, causing nose-bleeds and transformations into 40-ft monsters to those poor, horny, sarimen. Any doubts you have about video games being a male-dominated industry will be dashed to tiny pieces when Sparky uses the panty-jump move, where Kasumi, the main character who just happens to be a SCHOOL-GIRL NINJA! Jumps onto your face, rides it for a few seconds, then smashes the dazed but oddly pleased enemy into the ground. Many of Sparky’s defeats are attributed by his desire to use this move over and over again, and many of my defeats are attributed to me letting him. While each character gets an impressive wardrobe, ranging from the old guy’s ass-smashing Chinese hat (proving once and for all that people with buckets on their heads kick your cousin’s ass!) to the Italian who uses Russian Martial Art’s Indian garb, dubbed “Maja Raja” by the sleepy men on the couch, 3-D sailor fukas with 3-D panties are the be-all and end-all of gaming. Even if every video game systems died tomorrow at the hands of a maniacal Super-Amish with the power to turn all electronics into butter, I still would have seen 3-D panties. There is something to be said of that. Oh, and that little tid-bit I dropped earlier about the age-setting was no lie, the jiggle-count in the game is directly proportional to what age you say you are. At age 10 the grievous amounts of silicone magically transform into cement, refusing to you grace your eyes with the smallest of wiggles. At age 99, a single step forward makes the polygonal breasts act as if they were being pawed by horny invisible midgets. Ah…to be male. A geriatric male...'
¶ 7:34:00 PM
