In which I describe my impending attendance to a pretigious summer program. I go to the Andover Summer Program in Massachusetts, where I'm taking a filmmaking class, on the 29th. I get out from school on the 21st. My finals are all next week. I go do an outreach acting program for elementary tykes* tomorrow.

*-I promise I will never use that word again.  ¶ 8:54:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I whine about not having the most excellent Gmail. Mon dieu... the things people offer on gmailswap.com...
"Hello, i'd like to offer my eternal soul for 1GB of email storage." (or a terabyte, as I've apparently heard...)
"Hi, I'll give you a kidney for a gmail account!"
"Well, I'll give you a lung!"
"I'm not using my heart! You can have it!"
"I'll take out a second... no, a third mortgage on my home!"
"I'll GIVE you my home!"
"I'll give you my computer, and I'll use gmail from the library!"
Note that these are not actual offers.

Actual offers, may be even odder:
Free 'reiki' treatment. What the hell is that?
Nothing. Ok...
Something hand-knitted Sounds cool, right? Right? RIGHT? RIGHT!!?!??
A tour of Rwanda Now that's cool.


I must admit, I am feeling the nerd envy myself. I've offered so far:
-To get a movie of mine into the Cannes film festival
-For the 'purchaser' to comission a piece of art for free from me (I got taken up on this, a little bit, and the user asked for a logo for their website. They haven't replied so far... *sob*)
-Flash MX
-A really cool Cirque du Soleil hat
-A favour


I'm crying on the inside.
  ¶ 8:55:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I advise the public as to which Newgrounds Portal Flash they should view, and provide handy-dandy links. Super Cool Movie.
I love the animation of this one; the author is extremely talented.

Very Interesting movie.
This movie has a great concept. It's shiggity shiggity cool.

Super Awesome CrazySexyCool Movie.
This movie's music is teh b0mb. And it rocks anyways.

Funny Creative Movie.
Great Premise.

Highly Super Movie.
Bruno Bozetto is the shiz. A must see.

Superbly Hilarious Movie.
Knox has to be one of the funniest guys I know. Hellariouso.

Super Super Movie.
This is a 19 meg .ZIP of Knox's four best Matrix parodies. He takes the audio out of clips, and puts his voice in over it.
This quote is from the time when Trinity takes Neo to see Morpheus for the first time:
Trinity: Morpheus, you have a friend!
Morpheus: A real friend?
Trinity: Yes, Morpheus, that's right, a real playtime-friend-...thingy.
Morpheus: A real playtime-friend-thingy... What's your name?
Neo: My name's Neo.
Morpheus: Not anymore it isn't. It's Robert now.

HILARIOUS, NO?  ¶ 5:57:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I propagandicize improvisation. Drama is a great thing, especially improv. It opens your mind, and you make connections more quickly. Acting is one of the greatest arts in the world.

I hope I have convinced someone to try out drama one day.

Actually, you may not enjoy drama if you don't have a certain personality type. You kind of need to be fairly outgoing, so many people dislike acting for this reason.

Ahem. Allow me to be going now.  ¶ 7:34:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I tell the idiotic President why he should not (or possibly should) support the draft. Instating the draft is a sure-fire way for George W. Bush not to get elected. Here I will go through it in logical steps:
1. The main problem John Kerry faces is getting people who support him to go out and vote.
2. The main Democratic supporters are college students, who often are apathetic about voting.
3. The one thing college students hate most of all is the draft- see the 60's.
4. In the 1960's, when a draft was instated, college students went out en masse to protest it, and got rid of the president who supported it.
5. Therefore, if the President were to re-instate the draft, he would incur the enmity of tens of thousands of college students, who would then vote when they normally wouldn't.
6. This wrath would cause them to vote for John Kerry, just to get the current President out of offices.

So, by all means, re-instate the draft, Mr. Bush. I think it's time to switch horsemen mid-Apocalypse.  ¶ 6:36:00 AM 0 comments

  In which I provide an interesting linguistic tidbit. Fact- the French word for 'say' (in the conjugation for 'they') is 'disent', remarkably similar to the english word, 'dissent'. Coincidence? Probably, but I still love French more than I did yesterday.  ¶ 7:39:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I review an ancient video game. I just got Homeworld today; yes, I know it's three-something years old; yes, I know there's two more game that are out, supposedly even better; however, I felt the need to start from the beginning, and more importantly, the original was 9.99, whereas Cataclysm and Homeworld 2 were 19.99 and up. I am a cheap, dirty bastard.

---

Anyways, Homeworld rocks. The graphics are probably the best I've ever seen on my Dell. The gameplay is wonderful, camera control is flawless, and the developers actually put some thought into the storyline. I find that I am reminded of Ender's Game while watching the action unfold:


"The game was a holographic display, and his fighter was represented only by a tiny light. The enemy was another light of a different color, and they danced and spun and maneuvered through a cube of space that must have been ten meters to a side. The controls were powerful. He could rotate the display in any direction, so he could watch from any angle, and he could move the center so that the duel took place nearer or farther from him..."

---

The whole experience reminded me heavily of Homeworld, especially when he began to talk about fleets; however, there isn't a single passage in there devoted entirely to describing the fleets or combat; mostly they're spread out among several paragraphs, so I know what it's like but can't find an excerpt to describe it.


Try eating chocolate chips by the handful; they're purty tasty!  ¶ 7:38:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I go bananas.

















And, one I made myself...:





Probably the best people/things in the world (aside, of course, from ninjas and pirates) are orangutans. They have to be the most pimp, most nonchalant, craziest looking primate/sack with arms, legs and a head possible. The cheek flaps! The hilarity is non-stop. Can't you tell that I'm smiling, deep, deep down?  ¶ 7:35:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I tout EAFO, the best website in the world. Everyone should check out EAFO, which may very well be the greatest website on this electronic dreamland, a haven of all that is obscure, outdated and hilarious, as well as all that is sticky, japanese erotica; if it hadn't been for EAFO, I may have never known the joy of screaming, , or of realizing the wonders of tea, 'Hard Liquor with none of it's characteristics', or even understanding how much that guy likes to eat sushi; I now proceed to fill up your worthless cranial cavity with more mind-bogglingly insane loveliness from Moff, of EAFO:

'...Then they’re the women. Ah, the women. While playing this game in a college lounge Sparky and I made three different females walk out in disgust over blatantly sexist female characters, who go into battle wearing everything from high-heels to sailor fukas, unzipped pants to sailor fukas, sailor-fukas to friggin sailor-fukas. Sailor Fukas! And there’s even a stage with a metal grating that systematically blows air up to give clear view of precious panties, causing nose-bleeds and transformations into 40-ft monsters to those poor, horny, sarimen. Any doubts you have about video games being a male-dominated industry will be dashed to tiny pieces when Sparky uses the panty-jump move, where Kasumi, the main character who just happens to be a SCHOOL-GIRL NINJA! Jumps onto your face, rides it for a few seconds, then smashes the dazed but oddly pleased enemy into the ground. Many of Sparky’s defeats are attributed by his desire to use this move over and over again, and many of my defeats are attributed to me letting him. While each character gets an impressive wardrobe, ranging from the old guy’s ass-smashing Chinese hat (proving once and for all that people with buckets on their heads kick your cousin’s ass!) to the Italian who uses Russian Martial Art’s Indian garb, dubbed “Maja Raja” by the sleepy men on the couch, 3-D sailor fukas with 3-D panties are the be-all and end-all of gaming. Even if every video game systems died tomorrow at the hands of a maniacal Super-Amish with the power to turn all electronics into butter, I still would have seen 3-D panties. There is something to be said of that. Oh, and that little tid-bit I dropped earlier about the age-setting was no lie, the jiggle-count in the game is directly proportional to what age you say you are. At age 10 the grievous amounts of silicone magically transform into cement, refusing to you grace your eyes with the smallest of wiggles. At age 99, a single step forward makes the polygonal breasts act as if they were being pawed by horny invisible midgets. Ah…to be male. A geriatric male...'

  ¶ 7:34:00 PM 0 comments

  In which I give a long, extensive treatise on why my opinions are far superior to yours, and therefore I am always correct, while you are not. Basically, if you can calculate some random ratios, write up some impossibly complex equations, and add some nonsense about 'space-time continuum', all the while writing with a condescending and omniscient tone, you may have the ability to write a book on science, which up to this point was reserved for people with the aforesaid skills and who also possessed some sort of 'degree' (which really only means they get some letters after their name; I can therefore conclude from this that all scientists are morons and I know more than any of them) which gave them some inane thing like 'credibility', 'experience', 'relevance' or even the absolutely useless 'knowledge'. I will now proceed to lay out some simple step-by-step instructions so you too can make trivial amounts of money from large, weighty tomes of knowledge with no practicality or use in our common, mundane, everyday lives.
1. Find another book of the sort you want to write, and take copious amounts of notes from it, allowing you to say absolutely nothing but fill several pages with text which, upon further inspection, repeats itself several times over.
2. Falsify a draft of your book dated several years before the text you copied from was published; upon releasing your book, sue the author of your book's inspiration.
3. Hire Johnnie Cochran.
4. Win your lawsuit in an entirely unethical manner, taking the entire sales of opponents book for your own; your book will fly off the shelves due to the media coverage that the trial should produce.
5. Retire to Monaco  ¶ 7:33:00 PM 0 comments